Midlife Crisis. Thief! Call 911! Stop that thief! Someone’s done stole my youth! I mean . . . I’m bein’ recruited for AARP! My fine lines have aged into deep trenches! Honey if it weren’t for Petals Salon located at 203 West Jefferson Street, my hairdo would resemble an ugly gray squirrel’s nest! HELP! I see a nightmare developin’! Un-cute sensible, orthopedic shoes! Tube socks! Thick, ugly eyeglasses! Dinner at 4:30 and bed at 9! Senior moments! Bird watchin’ instead of cosmos! Lord have mercy! It’s sad but true. I’m fixin’ to be 38 years old! SLAP! Ding dang it Momma! It was just a little white lie! Ok y’all . . . the fact is this: I’m fixin’ to be 48! Closer to 50 than 40 . . .  officially old . . . officially worn out . . . middle aged. What a drag. Hey!  Wait a dad blasted minute! The calculus of middle age is not all bad! The equation is oh so simple: Mid-life Crisis = Major Ridiculous Shoppin’ Spree! I knew there’d be a silver linin’ to this old storm cloud! I’m talkin’ a fancy dance sports car! Plastic surgery! New clothes! Travel to exotic destinations! Happy Midlife Birthday! I feel great! ALMOST YOUNG! Hey and y’all make sure my handsome husband buys me a fantastic gift to go along with a surprise family trip to the beach! Now that would be the best Birthday EVER IN A MILLION YEARS!

    Birthdays go better with blueberries! I’m talkin’ pick your own! Right so Rick Spence wanted me to tell all y’all that his blueberries are flat ready to pick so come on out to Spence Blueberries in Bostwick located at 2040 Hardeman Road and get you some! Check out the Spence Blueberries ad in this week’s paper for directions or give Rick a call at 706-614-4522!  Yum!

    Humm . . . considerin’ my surprise family beach vaca, I’ve got to have some really fab beach books and Dog Ear Books located on Academy Street in Madison Markets has tons to choose from! Owner and Madisonian Jon Tonge says Mary Kay Andrews is out with her newest The Fixer Upper and it’s a big seller so far! Hey and Jon wants all y’all to come out to Mary Kay’s book signing on August 8! Other good beach reads this season are The Help, The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society and Dune Road! Oh and y’all don’t forget ‘bout Dog Ear Books’ Summer Reading Program! Head over there today to check it all out!

    Yay! It’s almost time for my most favorite event of the year! I’m talkin’ the ninth annual Festival of Friends event to benefit Morgan Memorial Hospital! Ok so Madisonian Nancy Vaughn wanted me to tell y’all that the event this year is slated for August 15 and is gonna feature refreshin’ cocktails at the James Madison Conference Center at 6 p.m., followed by your choice of nine different fabulously themed dinner parties! I flat LOVE dinner parties and these will not disappoint!  First up is Café Colombiano hosted by Jane and Everett Royal and Shandon and David Land; Dine Once Again in the French Quarter hosted by Carol and Carm Martinese; A Madison Bicentennial Birthday Dinner hosted by Chris Lambert, Rosemary Buttermore, Jackie Pennington, Gloria Stuhlmiller, Ellen Warren and Marguerite Copelan; An Evening in Tuscany hosted by the Morgan Memorial Hospital Administration; African Safari Supper hosted by Judy and David Goodchild; What Happens in Vegas Still Stays in Vegas hosted by Christy and Von Friesen; Passage to India hosted by Jamie and James Williams, Kathryn and Joe Cardwell and Elizabeth and Jim Branch; Savannah on South Main hosted by Rosie and Don Becker, Denny and Doug Ewing, Sally and Arnold Hoge, Sharon and Bill Ross, Cassandre and Kevin McGowan and Dina and Pierre Glardon; and Appetites and Arias hosted by Jan Wilbanks and Pat Leming. Y’all support your local hospital and reserve your dinner party today by callin’ Nancy at 706-752-1017!