Vampire Dairies. Episode 3. Scene 1 – Darkthirty. Momma and Biz Buzz are taking an after-supper power walk down Old Dixie Highway singing one of their favorite tunes. Off key.

     Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t . . .WHOA! Where in the Sam Hill did that teenager come from and why’s he wearin’ a black cape? Boy! Does your momma know you’re out here runnin’ round like a fool on a school night? Well bless his heart! He can’t talk, but he’s right good at hissin’! Plus he’s got ‘em some ugly, long fangish-lookin’ teeth! I reckon we got us one of them Hollywood vampires! It’s a good thing we ordered extra garlic on that yumalishous pizza at the fabulous Amici Italian Café, located at 113 South Main St., in Madison! Now where’d I put that wooden stake? Right! So all we’ve gotta do is give ‘em a great ole big whiff of garlic and flat plunge that stake! Easy peasy! Now if this don’t put us on the front page of the Citizen, I don’t know what will! Hells bells! We might even make it on Atlanta TV! We’re gonna be bona fied heroes! Book deals! Talk shows! We’ll get rich, rich, rich! You first Momma! Charge!

Scene 2 – Morning the next day. Momma and Biz Buzz are enjoying coffee on the front porch. A light rain is falling.

    Whew! Momma! I wish you’d stop sashayin’ around in that hideous vampire cape! We look like two stray cats after an unfair fight at the junkyard dog convention! Cuts, bruises – yikes! I even have me a vampire bite! We’d best run over to Thrifty Mac Drugs located at 218 South Main St., in Madison and get us a heap of medical supplies! George Launius will know what to do! George! Whadda you mean I gotta get a shot? What the? Momma let go of me right smack this minute! Ouch! Well . . . I might get attacked by a vicious vampire, but I ain’t gonna get the flu! That’s right y’all! Head on over to Thrifty Mac for your flu shot immediately! George says at-risk people, like the elderly and health care workers should be sure to get this shot! Oh and he says it’s covered by most insurance! Hey and George says the Swine Flu vaccine is supposed to be ready in October and he’ll keep us updated! Worries are that people might get BOTH seasonal and swine AT THE SAME TIME so we’d all best listen up and get the shots! Y’all check out the Thrifty Mac ad in this week’s Citizen!

    Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  Inside Design is much more than an interior design company! Honey! Frannie Kimsey and Jennifer Hendrix, the founders of Inside Design located at 244 West Washington St., in the Madison Markets campus next to Town 220, wanted me to let all y’all know that they are havin’ Jewelry Party Thursday, Sept. 17 from 5 p.m. until 8 p.m. to show off all of their fabulously stylish handmade jewelry! Each piece is truly a one-of-a-kind masterpiece and work of art! They make everything from fantastic earrings, bracelets, necklaces and more! They’re gonna have cocktails and hors d’oeuvres too! Perf! Hummm . . . bling + party = super fun! Do the math and I’ll see y’all there! Can’t wait!

    Hey and Town & Country, located at 204 West Washington St., next to the beautiful James Madison Inn, is hostin’ a Ladies Night on Monday, Sept. 21 from 4 p.m. until . . . Owner Ginger Gardner wants y’all to relax, have a glass of wine and check out all of her hot new fashions for women! She’s got all kinds of fab brands like Nomadic Traders, Kial, Michael Leu, Samuel Dong, Parsley & Sage, the North Face, Columbia, Mountain Khakis, SnoSkins, Classique, Rossi Roma, Vibram Five Fingers and more! Hey boys! Y’all can come too  . . . and don’t forget to bring your over-stuffed wallets, honey!

    Callin’ all Cowboys and Cowgirls! Y’all rope in a deal this weekend at Bar G Horse & Cattle Supply LLC located at 1060 Astondale Road in beautiful Bishop – only a 15 minute drive from Madison or ‘bout a 30 minute gallop on horseback! Yeehaw y’all! Bar G’s havin’ a great ole big Tent Sale from 8 a.m. until 3 p.m. with tons of deals on big name brands like Carhartt, Wrangler, Ariat Boots and clothin’ and more! Hey and they’ll also have lots of farm and garden supplies, work books, kid boots, ridin’ boots . . . I mean we’re gonna kick up some deals y’all! Oh and they also have horse tack and more than 100 ridin’ coats at 30 to 70 percent off! Whoa horsey! And, did I mention animal health supplies? Yeah! Check out their fabulous ad in this week’s Citizen for more intel!  

    I flat LOVE all my Citizen advertisers and I like nothin’ better than to create some Buzz for your businesses! Y’all be extra sweet to Momma, shop local, local, local right smack here in Morgan County and take some time to enjoy the changing season! Fall y’all! It just don’t get any better than that! I’ll see all y’all next week: Same time. Same Number One Weekly Newspaper in the Great State of Georgia!