Don’t act the fool! Get outta that cold air and come inside for some super hot coffee! That’ll warm you up right quick! Plus Momma’s done brought us some pretty candy canes to stir around in our coffee for the Perf Christmas touch! Ding dang that’s good! Momma! You know you ain’t ‘posed to chomp on hard cane candy with those centuries old teeth of yours! CRACKKKK . . . .CRUNCH! What the? Momma! Say somethin’! “Waugh! Waugh!” Hell fire and damnation! Momma’s runnin’ all over the house with one hand on her mouth; the other flailin’ ‘bout like a blastin’ water hose! Now calm the Sam Hill down before you knock over the Christmas tree and let me see if you hurt one of them big choppers! Whoa how-de-do-da-ding-dang-day! You’ve done broke what those fancy-dance dentists call a molar in the way, way back! Now stop cryin’ Momma! Somebody hand me the White Lightnin’! Take a big ole swig Momma and I’ll carry you on over to Woodruff Dentistry located at 480 Hancock St., in Madison right down from the Morgan County Courthouse!

That’s right y’all! Woodruff Dentistry is fixin’ to start offerin’ up some fancy spa amenities around the first of the year for their dental patients! I LOVE IT! Ok so here’s the deal! All you do is pop over for your dental work and you’ll get a relaxin’, warmin’ neck wrap, therapeutic moisturizing gloves and more! Oh and if you’re really scared of the dentist like me ‘an Momma, honey Dr. Adrian Woodruff will fix you right up! This dentist office offers oral conscious sedation! That’s right! It causes a nice drowsy, relaxed feelin’! Hey! And some folks hit the zone so good they don’t even know their teeth were worked on! Hummmm . . . Sign me up immediately! Look! Momma’s restin’ like a little bitty baby on Cloud Nine! Y’all give Dr. Woodruff a call at 706-342-2155 and check it out for yourself on his website at www.woodruffdentistry.com!

Chickmas Supper! Chick-fil-A is supporting Toys for Tots this Thursday night, Dec. 16! From 5 p.m. til 9 p.m. a portion of all sales will be donated to Toys for Tots! So y’all head over to Chick-fil-A tonight for a good ole supper! I just love their grilled chicken sandwich and their super yummy chicken noodle soup! Of course the kids love, love, love that original chicken sandwich and those chicken strips! And Oh My Gosh! I might just have to get me one of those Christmas Peppermint Chocolate Chip Milkshakes! Mercy! Where are my elastic pants?

Hey and y’all had all best get this book to put under the tree this season! I’m talkin’ ‘bout Madisonian Charles McClain and his newest Big Jake Adventure book: Big Jake & the Billy Goat! It’s written of course by Charles and illustrated by Tania McClain! Ok so this is a True Story ‘bout a ding dang billy goat and I flat can’t tell you anymore or I’ll ruin the plot! Get this book and check out the first one: Big Jake on the Farm! Oh and you can find out more at www.bigjakeadventures.com! Pick up a copy today at The Madison Gift Mart & Café, located at 140 West Washington St., in downtown Madison! Pop in there grab you a fab lunch and check out all the other gifts like the wonderful Vera Bradley collection! Oh and Treehouse Consignments located at 213 West Jefferson St., in downtown Madison, is also sellin’ Big Jake & the Billy Goat!

Dang! That sun’s right bright! Head over to Advanced Family Eyecare, located at 223 South Main St., in Madison right smack next to the Citizen ‘cause they’ve got just the thing! Get those tacky gas station shades off your face honey ‘fore Momma slaps you into next week! I mean really! Check out the huge selection of fabulous, cool shades at Advanced Family Eyecare! I’ talkin’ Vera Wang, Vera Bradley, Vogue, Fossil, Polo, Lacoste, Wiley X, Dana Buchman, Ray Ban, Dolce & Gabbana, Costa Del Mar and more! Ding dang! Head over there and shop local for cool shades that make the perf Christmas gift!

Oh and I almost forgot! Vicki Starr over at Uptown Athletics, located at 202 South Main St., above the Madison ChopHouse Grille in Madison is fixin’ to start the Get Fit Program that’s all ‘bout exercising and gettin’ healthy! Ok so it’s all gonna start on Jan. 3 and will last 12 weeks! To start, you’ll weigh in and get your body composition analysis like your Body Mass Index! Ok so everyone will pop $5 into the pot and if you don’t exercise at least four days a week you have to add another $1 to the pot! Oh and if you don’t lose at least ½ pound in a week, you have to put $1 in the pot! At the end of the 12 weeks, the person who lost the most percentage of weight wins the pot! Ding dang! I’m gonna get fit this January!

I’m flat outta space! But don’t forget! You’re all invited back next week to this locality, to have a heapin’ helpin’ of Southern hospitality. Biz Buzz that is. Set a spell. Take your shoes off! Y’all come back now, y’hear? Ok . . . y’all be good and go get Momma some Downtown Dollars  from the City of Madison for Christmas!

Printed in the 12-16-10 edition