Momma! Hurry your bowhonkers up? We’re gonna be late for our latest Scheme ‘O The Week– AKA Sneak In at The Masters! I mean they’re gonna make a movie ‘bout this! Our outfits are flat perf for both tree climbin’, golf course walkin’ and VIP schmoozin’! That’s right y’all! Tonight’s the night! Momma and I are gonna sneak our way in, climb that great big ole oak tree right smack next to the Augusta National Club House and Voila! Party Time! Fast forward to rising moon and crickets. Night has fallen in Augusta. Hush up! I cannot BELIEVE we got through the gate! Where’s the tree climbin’ gear. Perf! Let’s hoist up, strap in and sleep up here in this tree til it’s time to pop down and party with the VIPs! Night y’all! Who. Who. Whooooo . . . Momma! Wake up! There’s a fool owl perched on the branch above your head! SHASTA! That owl’s after an great ole big ugly possum that’s right next to your FACE! HEELLP! SOMBODY PLEA . . . . SPLAT! CRASH! Handcuffs! What the? Jail! Bail! Whew! That nightmare is OVER! My mug shot was the worst EVER! I’m talkin’ it could make a freight train take a dirt road! Lord have mercy!
Let’s get on the buzz at hand! First up, head on over to Amelia’s at 172 South Main
Street for the perf Easter and Masters outfit! Precious tops! Dresses to die for! Purses! Jewels! I flat love to shop at Amelia’s! Plus honey I love, love, love those Amelia’s ads!
Next up! If y’all are lookin’ for some good, old-fashioned Easter eats, just head over to the Madison ChopHouse Grille located 202 South Main Street in Madison ‘cause honey, they are cookin’ up some delish specials to celebrate! Plus, Perk Avenue has got it goin’ on with some good Easter lunch deals too! Y’all get over there on Sunday for lunch! Hey and don’t forget to check out all the church ads in this week’s paper with their Easter schedules and special events!
Rinnnng. Ring. Rinnnnng. Hold on just a minute y’all while I take this call . . . . What? Are you joshin’ me? OK! I promise I won’t tell! Oh. My. Gosh! Y’all don’t tell a ding dang soul but that was Theresa Bishop, owner of Belles, Beaux & Gifts located at 115 South Main Street in Madison! In a couple of short weeks Belles, Beaux & Gifts is gonna have Pandora with their fabulous bracelets with assorted charms and more! Theresa said she’s gonna do a bit of rearrangin’ in the shop to make room for this fantastic jewelry line and she’s gonna carry the beads, bracelets, rings, necklaces and earrings real soon! I can see mine right now! Theresa says she wanted to carry Pandora ‘cause: “It’s beautiful; it’s personal and you can tell your own story.” She’s flat right y’all! My story is gonna have all the real, real expensive diamond beads and then some! Yes! More on this later y’all!
Wow! This just in! Serendipity Medspa & Weight loss is comin’ to Madison y’all at Sister Sister located at 311 North Main Street in Madison in the old Pig Building! Ok so it all goes down next Tuesday, April 10 from 10 a.m. 'til 6 p.m. and honey they are gonna offer everything my poor old wrinklin’ face needs so I be YOUNG! I’m talkin’ Botox for $100! Teeth whitening $99! Line fillers $355 (sign me up immediately)! Lip enhancement $325! And more! Shoot fire! Sister Sister is even gonna offer face framin’ highlights for only $5 per foil! I’m gonna sneak over to Sister Sister and write my column from there next week! Live and in color while I turn the clock back– wayyy back! Love it!
What? I almost forgot! Russ Weaver wanted me to tell all y’all he’s runnin’ some delish wine specials this week at The Bottle Shop located at 1510 Eatonton Road in Madison! Buy Momma some fine wine at a great price y’all! Check out The Bottle Shop’s ad in this week’s Citizen!
Hey! And, y’all don’t forget to go get your tan at The Madison Fitness Center located at 1290 Eatonton Road in Madison! Check it out their ad this week! Only $40 for members per month or $45 for non-members!
Yikes! That’s it for Biz Buzz! Y’all be sweet! Shop Local! And support our advertisers!
I’ll see all y’all again next week: Same time. Same Number One Weekly Newspaper in the Great State of Georgia!

Printed in the Aril 5th, 2012 edition.