This column is rated PG13 by the Morgan County Citizen Association of America. Young children and elderly persons on heart medications CONSIDER YOURSEVELF WARNED: Due to extremely frightening content, this column will very likely result in horrendous nightmares, acute anxiety and heart burn.

Cue scary music. It’s 3 a.m. The Devil’s Hour at Momma’s Big house. . .

Shasta! I can’t sleep worth a ding dang dime! Come on Petey the Poodle . . . let’s go see if there’s a scary show on the TV! SHOOT FIRE! Nothin’ but static! That dad blasted thunderstorm has done . . . “Helppppp? Bizzzz (crackle, pit, pit, crackle) Buzzzzzz!”  What the? If I were not above-average sane, I’d say I just heard Momma’s voice comin’ out of the flat screen TV! Momma! Where in the Sam Hill are you? Whoa! Stop The Presses! Momma’s done been sucked into the TV by some connivin’ evil spirits! “Issss thattt youuuu in theee lightttt” No Momma! Stay. Away. From. The. Light! Repeat: Stay. The. Heck. Away. From. The Light! It’s that Ding Dang Devil in the light AND he’s actin’ like a possum pretendin’ to be all sweet as an Antique Sweets caramel chocolate apple but HE’S EVIL and MEAN AS A SPRAYED WASP!  I reckon I’d better call that psychic . . . Knock. Knock. Who’s there? “Lurch.” Lurch from the Adams Family? “You called?”  Well get your bowhonkers in here! And, why are you playin’ that Indian Spirit Flute from Artisan’s Alley located at 199 W. Jefferson St., in Madison? Oh My Ever Livin’ Gosh! I hear Momma flailin’ away in the bathtub! Lurch! You are a genius! Thanks! Now that Momma’s been saved lets go shop y’all!

And magic flutes aren’t the only cool things at Artisan Alley! Owners Gordon and Jeanne Clark recently got back from a New Mexico buying’ trip and y’all are going to flip, flip, flip when you see what they’ve done brought back! Of course they have the most fabulous collection of turquoise jewelry in the WORLD, but they’ve also got some brand new pottery that’s just fabulous and some new Madison clay coffee mugs that rock it! Oh and you can find some of the silver jewelry from the former retail shop The Silver Fox there too! But, I have to say that my fave, fave, fave are the Laurel Burch T-shirts (both long and short sleeved and they are made in ladies sizes for the best fit) that are only $19! Plus they have fab Laurel Burch bags, socks, new SCARVES that I LOVE and even new iPad Pouches and cool smart phone cases! Y’all get over there and check it all out!

Hey clearly with all this crazy ghostly activity that can only mean one thing: Halloween is flat approachin’! Yikes! And you know what that means . . . Trick or Trot in Downtown Rutledge on Oct. 27! OK y’all this is an event for the Morgan County Elementary School and all the proceeds will go toward purchasing leveled readers and instructional materials for the school! Right so get your ham legs in shape honey ‘cause you never know when you’ll have to outrun a ghost or ghoul! Plus there will be a 5K that you can walk or run and a 1 mile Fun Run! Get your runnin’ shoes on and sign up at www.active.com for only $20! See you there!

OK . . . OK. . . I know it’s only October but y’all Belles, Beaux & Gifts have the cute, cute, cutest little white feathery baby owl Christmas tree ornaments! Y’all they are so ding dang cute I had to buy me one yesterday! Plus owner Theresa Bishop has decorated a Christmas Tree in the back of the shop, located at 115 South Main Street in Madison, completely in the little baby white owls! All sorts of new treasures are poppin’ up over there like new candles and holiday tote bags that are oh-so-affordable! So y’all go visit immediately and get those Christmas lists started!

Oh and speakin’ of Christmas . . . LilyBeth’s in Rutledge has got the most fun Holiday indoor/outdoor pillows! One of them features a white bunny next to a Christmas tree and it’s MINE! Joellen Artz is really rockin’ in Rutledge with all sorts of cute new prizes like these tiny canvas bags perf for gifts! I can’t wait to get my Bunny pillow!

Yikes! Gotta go! The Lions Club Fair is flat in town at the fair grounds and I have flat got to catch a ride on the Tilt-A -Whirl! Y’all don’t forget to SHOP, DINE, THINK & DO BUSINESS LOCAL! Supporting’ local is all about our local retailers and restaurants but it’s also about supporting’ small businesses like banks, financial advisors, insurance companies, realtors, accountants, and of course your local publisher of an award-winning newspaper and magazines – AKA the Morgan County Citizen, Lake Oconee Living and our new Say Yes! Guide to Weddings & Celebrations! See you next week! And, remember: Local is where it’s at!

Printed in the October 11, 2012