If two-and-a-half gallons of vodka can keep a 45-year-old elephant from freezing to death in Siberia, imagine what it could do you!
That’s right, Leonid Labo, elephant trainer for the Komsomolskaya Pravda circus, claims that he saved the lives of his two elephants by having them suck down 10 liters of vodka, which he first diluted in warm water.
It should be no surprise that a Russian carnie just happened to have almost three gallons of vodka on hand that he could spare on the poor creatures.
Alexander Davydov, emergency ministry spokesman, explained that the elephants were caught in a trailer during a fire near the city of Novosibirsk, and that Labo was forced to take the poor creatures out into the lovely weather.
 (As I write this it is currently sunny in Novosibirsk and the high today is expected to get to -24 degrees Fahrenheit.)
Labo decided to freeze his assets – literally – to the Siberian landscape, but wasn’t heartless enough to let them kick off in pain.
Giving the giants enough to drink themselves stupid, Labo may have just wanted a little ignorant bliss for his oversized pets right before they headed off to that Sahara in the sky.
But the uniquely Russian tactic saved their hides (and ivories).
All in all, this isn’t the first time liquor has been lauded in the news as a way to hold off freezee death.
Supposedly, Charles Joughin managed to survive three hours chilling in the icy Atlantic after going down in the Atlantic with the Titanic because he was tanked out of his gourd before his feet hit the water.
Alcohol: anti-freeze for the body.
And anti-sad for the soul.

Printed in the December 20, 2012 edition