By Dianne Lively Yost

Lock n Load. I’m so ding dang tired I’d sleep through a Georgia-Auburn football game at noon on a Saturday! The dad burn squirrels are stealin’ my sleep, scramblin’ all over my attic all night long!  That’s it! I can’t take it anymore! I declare War on East Side Squirrels! Momma! Get our baseball caps, shootin’ vests and shotguns! Don’t worry ‘bout those silly permits! Let’s get up on the roof for the best shot ever! Perf! There’s a squirrel in that pecan tree! Get ‘em in your crosshairs! Mr. Squirrel meet Dr. Double Barrel! One dose and you’re toast! KEWPOW! What the? Momma! That ain’t no squirrel! It’s a big, fat possum and he ain’t dead yet!  Adam 12, Adam 12! That possum’s comin’ up here to fight us! We’re gonna have to jump! It’s our only chance! Whew! It’s a good thing that Kudzu vine was growin’ on the side of the house! To heck with ladylike! Actin’ all Tarzan’s kind of fun! But, let’s take us some shootin’ lessons before we try that again!
   

Right! And a great place to hone our shootin’ skills will be at the Madison-Morgan Cultural Center’s Eighth Annual Cultural Clays Tournament slated for Saturday, Sept. 20, at the fabulous Burge Plantation! Ok so here’s the deal . . . registration and the tournament begin at 1:30 p.m., followed by Cocktails and Chow at 5 p.m. during which the big raffle winner will be announced! Yeah! Honey they are rafflin’ off a glam slide bracelet from Whidby Jewelers! I popped over to Whidby Jewelers today to check it out and this bracelet is a 14K yellow gold Victorian Slide bracelet with four slides featuring stunnin’ stones in each slide:  aquamarine, ruby, blue topaz and black onyx. Honey, Heather Whidby says this bracelet is beautiful and is worth a whoppin’ $2,700! Raffle tickets are only $20 each or six for $100 and can be purchased at Whidby Jewelers, Pure Bliss Spa and the Cultural Center.  Oh and Patricia DuBose of the Cultural Center wanted me to tell y’all that the Cocktails & Chow part of the Cultural Clays is one of the most fun parts of the entire event and this year it will feature live entertainment with the Ernest Folly Band spotlightin’ great local musicians like Bud Martin, Chip Meyer, Bob Prior, Stan DeJarnett and Steve Hinson! Y’all call the Cultural Center and get your tickets to the event at 706-342-4743!
   

Hey and don’t forget to buy those raffle tickets! Anyone can win that bracelet and you don’t have to have tickets to the Cultural Clays event or be present to win! Wow!
   

Oh, the places you will go! What the? Don’t look now but that ding dang mischievous Cat In The Hat walked smack up Main Street in Madison in his silly red and white striped hat and went in the door at 137 South Main Street! Oh me, oh my! A lot of funny things go by! What the? I’ve started talkin’ like Dr. Seuss! HELP! Come on Momma! Let’s see what in the Sam Hill is goin’ on! Ok . . . The door’s all green but here’s a sign! “Don’t peek and please don’t freak. Mulberry Toys is moving to Main Street. If a toy emergency has come your way, just turn the corner, we’ll help you play!” What? I’m goin’ on down the road to West Washington to Mulberry Toys and find out what’s what! Honey, Mulberry Toys owners Michelle Robinette and Venessa Carter, have been up to some sneaky business! Y’all they’re gettin’ ready to move their shop to Main Street in Madison where Baldwin Realty used to be right smack next to O’Hara’s! In case you don’t know, Baldwin Realty moved upstairs! Anyway, Michelle says they are gonna flat double their space when they open in the new location on Oct. 1!  Oh and they’ve been stashin’ away a bunch of new toys for the opening! The best part is that Mulberry Toys is holding a contest to celebrate the move! The child who writes the best Dr. Seuss-like poem that mentions where they are currently located and where they’re moving to will get a huge $50 gift certificate to Mulberry Toys!
   

Prizes will be awarded by age category and kids must deliver their poem to the Mulberry Toys location at 125 West Washington St., no later than Friday, Sept. 19! Michelle let me take a sneak peek in the new space!
   

Y’all in a word it’s:  supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Oh and all customers on the Mulberry Toys email list are gonna be invited to a private pre-opening party! If you’re not on that list go by the shop today and get on it! 
   

Shasta! I’m already outta space which means I can’t tell y’all all that needs tellin’! You’ll just have to tune in next week: Same time. Same Number One Weekly Newspaper in the Great State of Georgia.