“Recipe to prepare a traditional American holiday season”
By Bobbie Barnhart
1 ugly Christmas sweater that you’ll never wear again
2 cups of eggnog with a secret splash of ‘holiday cheer’
3 slices of turkey… again
6 paper cuts you got while wrapping presents
4 pairs of socks you get every year from your Great Aunt Doris
2 headaches from your kids pulling you out of bed at 4 a.m.
8 readings of the Night Before Christmas… back to back
Mix in the first three
tuning out your mother-in-law who
decided to go to the wrong son’s house
After thoroughly mixed,
fold in the next two
ingredients while you watch
your favorite ornament being
broken by your two year
Finally, whip in the last
two ingredients while you
smell your special cookies
that took you two hours to
make burning in the oven.
Serve with a side of stale fruitcake.