Coffee on the front porch! Ahhh . . . a blue, blue sky with a cool Fall breeze! Honey it just don’t get any better than … Momma! Oh My Ever Livin’  . . . Somebody pinch me! This is far, far too fantastical! I’m talkin’ coffee-spurtin’-out-of-the nose FANTASTICAL! Where in the Sam Hill did you get that silver DeLorean DMC-12 that’s been modified into a Time Machine powered by radioactive Plutonium to generate 1.21 gigawatts of power that fuels the Flux Capacitator device? I absolutely LOVE it! Come on Momma! Let’s head back in time to June 29, 1993 when the Georgia Lottery was first launched and win the ding dang ticket! Goodbye  poor modest lifestyle! Hello filthy rich luxurious fab world! I reckon I’m gonna have to learn to speak all hoity-toity! Note to self: Get Rosetta Stone’s Rich Southern People language learnin’ CD set and sign up for Charm School at Perfectly Polished for Adults! Let’s go Momma! I can already see the diamonds flashin’! Two minutes later. WHOOSH . . . .WHOOSH! Now that’s what I call a ROUND TRIP! Hey! The house looks the exact same! I thought we’d be livin’ in a Mega-Mega-Madison-Mansion! Ding dang it, Momma! What’d you do with our lottery winnin’s? What’d mean you thought I had it? Well shoot fire!
    That’s right y’all! Saturday, Sept. 25 is Movie Night featurin’ Back to the Future! It all starts at dusk so bring a blanket, your best friends, a cooler, picnic or whatever ‘cause this is gonna be so much fun under the stars! Check out the ad and calendar listin’ in this newspaper for the list of sponsors and more intel! Oh and Ella’s Sweet Shoppe located across from Town Park is gonna stay open durin’ the ENTIRE movie servin’ up fab treats! Can’t wait!

    Momma! Now don’t go slappin’ out-of-towners, but do you see that girl over there in the white go-go boots? Lord Have Mercy! The Fool! Outlaw! The fashion police are gonna throw her in the slummy slammer! Honey, every Southern girl knows you can’t wear white shoes after Labor Day unless you’re in the health care industry or unless it’s that slightly off-white color called Winter White! Dang! But, y’all! Thank goodness the no-white law don’t apply to everything ‘cause I flat can’t wait to put on my fantabulously fashionable and wickedly white jacket my handsome husband gave me for my birthday! Honey, this Tribal jacket rocks and there are still some left at Amelia’s located at 172 South Main Street in Madison!  Anyhow it’s made of this fantastic white pleather that looks and feels just smack like leather! No one will know. I promise! Plus you can wash it! Y’all get over there and check out all the new fall fashions at Amelia’s like the new line Renuar! Talk about sexy jackets, skirts and tops! Mercy! Get me my handsome husband’s credit card before I have a conniption fit!

    Momma! Now I know you’re all excited ‘bout Morgan County High School Football but this is ridiculous! I mean you flat could’ve gotten arrested by the Greene County Sherriff and your mug shot plastered all across the front page of the Greene County Herald Tribune! And, then I reckon WDDK-FM Dock 103.9 wouldda broadcasted a story ‘bout some crazy Morgan County Momma! Now listen, those Greensboro folks don’t think kindly ‘bout some crazy lady paintin’ “Go Morgan County Bulldogs” with white shoe polish all over everybody’s car in the Greene County High School parkin’ lot!
    Dang it! I’m sure they’ve done got an APB out for your truck as we speak! I reckon we’d better hide it in the garage for a few weeks til this storm blows over! Until then Momma, just have a seat and check out the best ever 2010 Morgan County High School football supplement in the Morgan County Citizen! It’s flat fantastic! Y’alal check it out and check out all of our fabulous advertisers who support our team and our newspaper! Y’all rock!
    Hot diggity ding dang dog! Y’all are flat gonna flip when you hear how many people visit the www.morgancountycitizen.com every ding dang month! Like 50,000 visits! Now that’ll crank your tractor! Just give the Citizen a call at 706-342-7440 and we’ll pop you up a super fantastic web ad to compliment your print ad!
    Hey and we also have web ad opportunities available for our fabulous website slide shows startin’ with the recent Morgan County High School football scrimmage!
    Get loads of exposure on our website immediately! Love it!

    Whew! It’s too ding dang hot and to humid to work so I reckon we’d best cook up a scheme so Momma and I can go shoppin’ instead! I’ll just pretend I’m workin’ so y’all don’t say a word to my handsome husband! Just tell him you saw me out and ‘bout sellin’ ads like crazy! Toooo fab! That’ll do the trick! Ok . . . Momma hold on and let me just pop inside to get my lipstick! I mean we’ve gotta look chic before . . . . Oh. My. Ever. Livin’. GOSH! I look like I was in the outhouse when the lightenin’ struck! My hair’s just a frizzin’ like all get out! I’m talkin’ Rosanna Rosanna Danna!
   
Halleluiah! We don’t have to worry ‘bout crazy hair no more ‘cause the newest hair salon craze has hit town and it’s called . . . .The Brazilian Blowout! It’s the absolute perf treatment for anyone with frizzy, damaged or processed hair . . . Hummm . . . sounds exactly like ME! Ok so when you get The Brazilian Blowout, your hair is frizz free for like 12 ENTIRE WEEKS! Yeah! It works like this . . . you get your hair shampooed, then the super secret Brazilian Blowout formula is put into your hair. Once it’s blown dry, the stylist then flat irons your hair like nobody’s business! And honey you’re done! It doesn’t change your hair’s volume or body; it just takes away the ugly, ugly frizzies! I flat can’t wait to get my Brazilian Blowout! It’s available in Morgan County at Petals Salon located at 203 West Jefferson St. (706-342-0702) in Madison and at The Spa at the James Madison located at 206 West Washington St. (706-342-7000) in Madison! Y’all check it out and say Good Bye Frizz!

    Can’t never could do nothin’ so stop cryin’ in your coffee before Momma comes over here and slaps you to China in a tin can suit! Talk ‘bout a rattlin’ racket! Whoa! Here she comes! Don’t look now but Lord have mercy! Now I didn’t say this but she don’t look right this mornin’. In fact she looks right ugly! I’m talkin’ that face might not stop a clock, but it’ll sure raise Cain with wrist watches! Now don’t all y’all start to worry none ‘cause honey I know just exactly how to calm Momma down when she’s havin’ one of them ugly conniption fits! That’s right! She loves good food and Morgan County is flat ding dang lucky, lucky, lucky to have so many family owned restaurants and  . . . STOP THE PRESSES . . . Our newest restaurant just flat opened up in Madison on the Madison Markets campus where Dog Ear Books used to be!
    Momma! Put on your Southern Smile ‘cause we’re going to Claudia’s European Coffee Shop at 142 Academy Street! Y’all are gonna flip cartwheels when you try this one out! First off, the coffee ROCKS! It’ll spoil you silly and put your get-up-and-go-that-got-up-and-went back into the game! I could drink two pots! Hummmmm . . .maybe I can increase Citizen ad sales exponentially with each pot and get rich, rich, rich! But, I digress! Claudia’s is sooo yummy! Ok so I was lucky to run into a local restaurant enthusiast there last week who treated me to a fabulicious fruit tart with homemade to-die-for whip cream! Of course, I headed right smack back over there the very next day for lunch and had the Venice Panini and honey it was out-of-this-world good! Oh and did I tell y’all ‘bout the German potato salad? Well, it’s delicious!

    Wedding Bells and Celebrity tales! Honey! Momma went all Navy Seal on me and snuck into the Ritz Carlton Reynolds Plantation last weekend for Carrie Underwood’s uber famous wedding to the handsomest hockey player Mike Fisher! I flat couldn’t believe Momma could stuff herself and her cocktail dress and heels inside that scuba-diving outfit but the scheme worked like a charm! It was her finest hour! Anyhow y’all . . .             Momma was flat hobnobbin’ with cutie pie Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, that handsome-but-sometimes-ugly Simon Cowell and crazy, fun Paula Abdul and more! Oh my Gosh! Even our neighbor Carey Williams, editor and publisher of the best newspaper in Greensboro, The Greensboro Herald Journal, got even MORE famous ‘cause he was quoted in a story on E! News! I ain’t kiddin’ y’all!

    But the BEST NEWS EVER is that every one of them fabulously famous celebrities stayin’ at the Ritzy Wedding were reading Lake Oconee Living magazine, the only local magazine placed in each and every room at the Ritz Carlton Reynolds Plantation! Love it! Aren’t you glad you advertised! Well if you didn’t get in the just-published summer issue, don’t worry! We’ll flat reserve you a great ole big ad for the Holiday issue!

    This is the best place to promote your Christmas gift items, restaurant and holiday party places and honey even wedding destinations! I do! Y’all call Lake Oconee Living magazine today to reserve your ad at 706-342-7440! It’s located in the exact same office as this award-winning Morgan County Citizen newspaper at 235 South Main Street! How convenient! You can just pop in to buy both your newspaper and magazine ads! LOVE IT!