Makin’ bacon

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Nick Nunn

Nick Nunn

By Nick Nunn

I hate bacon.

No. Let me take that back. I like bacon. A lot. Give me a bacon-wrapped date, and I’ll enjoy a few seconds of pure happiness.

But what I hate about bacon is this intense PR campaign that has infiltrated pop culture in the past year so deeply that it seems like, for a while there, people’s minds – haha, yeah right – were saturated with bacon grease.

As if you’d really be able to notice the difference.

It got to the point, that I would get tense just knowing that some inane reference to bacon was about to be made. I wanted to pull my hair out.

Jesse Walker, I’m talking to you.

Phew! In case you couldn’t tell, I’d been holding that in for a while.

But now I’ve got a little scientific data to bat back into the face of all you bacon-criers out there.

According to a new medical study – from Harvard, no less – processed meats such as bacon have adverse effects on men’s (cough, cough) little swimmers.

(Yes, I’ll call them “little swimmers” throughout the rest of the column.)

Apparently, not only do processed meats decrease the concentration of little swimmers, they also affect their structure and appearance!

Dr. Myriam Afeiche, who lead the study, doesn’t intend the study to be set of guidelines for men who desire to conceive, as there is a scarcity of information about the relationship between diet and the quality of little swimmers, but noted that the intake of white meat fish supports a higher percentage of normal little swimmers and dark meat fish increases the total concentration.

So, if you are making bacon and hoping for piglets, maybe you should eat fish instead.

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