Lost in translation

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Greg Morin

Greg Morin

by Greg Morin, Columnist

Like millions of Americans you probably have received a letter like this (see below) from your health insurance provider (for both individual or group plans). As the farmer said to the pigs about to be slaughtered, “We’re going to be transitioning you to an environment free of worldly concerns.”

Reading between the lines and politically correct doublespeak is critical to making informed decisions, therefore, toward those ends I offer a translation of the following typical “we’re dropping your plan due to Obamacare” letter: Dear Subscriber: The federal Affordable Care Act (“ACA”) has been changing how Americans get their health care coverage.

The next big step begins in 2014. For many individuals like you with coverage through their employers, it includes important changes to coverage. ACA requires us to make significant changes to our health benefit plan designs. We have redesigned our entire employer portfolio to include new health benefit plans that comply with 2014 ACA requirements.

There is nothing for you to do at this time. Your employer’s existing policy will continue until your next renewal. We are unable to renew your employer’s existing plan in 2014, but your employer can purchase any of our new plans with the 2014 ACA requirements for your coverage.

We value you as a member and look forward to a long-standing relationship with you. Sincerely Health Insurance Company Dear person-now-required-to-buy-our-product-under-penalty-of-law: Obamacare has transformed a government manipulated healthcare market into a government controlled healthcare market. In 2014 we shall see the return of unadulterated fascism in America (fascism = state control of a putative private market). For those of you who already get insurance through your employer, the paltry choices you used to enjoy will be whittled to nothing.

Obamacare requires us to add on coverage options you don’t want. Since you must buy more, we have the perfect excuse to charge more. Apparently Nancy Pelosi thinks you are too stupid to make your own decisions when buying health insurance, therefore she and Obama will unburden you of that responsibility. Do not fret gentle citizen; you will be well cared for in Uncle Sam’s gentle bosom.

You are helpless to avoid this, you had your chance to vote the bums out but blew it, so sit back and enjoy the ride. You now only have a few months remaining before waiting lists for anything medical related become a fact of daily life. Well, except for cosmetic or elective procedures those aren’t covered by insurance. Those have steadily dropped in price. We are unable to renew your employer’s existing plan in 2014.

However, that’s just fine with us because we’re content to get in bed with the government even if that means being tightly regulated since we will be guaranteed a steady stream of customers and profit. Crony capitalism and fascism is what made this country great after all! We value you as our cash cow and look forward to milking this relationship for all it’s worth until either the federal government collapses under its own weight or the American public becomes so irate that they finally elect people that will remove all government influences from the medical market so that prices can naturally fall until medical insurance is no more costly than auto-insurance.

Sincerely Health Insurance Company (a wholly owned subsidiary of the Federal Government, Inc.)

Greg Morin is a member of the Libertarian party and CEO of Seachem Laboratories located in Madison. Constructive comments are welcomed to this paper or at gregmorin.com

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