Sweet God, No!

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Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

By Nick Nunn, Columnist

Stop the presses! Hold the news! This is worse than a government shutdown: a lawsuit is threatening to close the Huy Fong factory in Irwindale, Ca., that produces Sriracha!

(If you don’t know what Sriracha is, stop reading now. We aren’t friends anymore.)

A group of rather self-centered individuals forced the city of Irwindale to level the lawsuit against Huy Fong, simply because they think that the chili odor that comes from the factory is a “public nuisance.”

They want the factory closed until the company can stop the spicy emissions.

What does suffering a slight burning in the eyes matter when you know it is for the greater good of the people of the world?

According to (made up) reports these same people who filed the complaint went home that night to eat their favorite meal of skim milk and boiled chicken breasts.

They might have even eaten their styrofoam plate as a dessert after the main meal.

Heathens! Philistines!

I’d bet these people would complain about the noise if John and George came back to life, got together again with Paul and Ringo, and put on a second rooftop concert right down the street.

According to the Associated Press, some residents, who were holding a birthday party out near the factory, were forced indoors by the Sriracha-ness in the air.

What fools!

Don’t you know that you are receiving free Sriracha through the air?

Just take the cap off of your hamburger and wave it around in the air for a minute or two, and you’ll receive a taste-treat the likes of which you have previously never known.

You’ve never heard the South Louisiana folks that live near Avery Island complaining about Tabasco in the air.

And that’s because Louisiana people have some sense of what it is to provide something good to the world as a whole.

I mean, seriously, what good has ever come out of Southern California? In case you can’t tell, I am personally offended that these people would try to take my beloved Sriracha away from me, and, in my little way, I hope I have done enough to further a countermovement to the closing of Huy Fong.

I hope every child in that town takes so much chili in their eyes that they become blind.

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