Nunnsense: Florida shines

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Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

A large percentage of Nunnsense topics come from Florida, but I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe the heat of the tropical climate drives them insane. Or maybe that nasty, clear stuff that comes out of their pipes and the utility services call “water” has something to do with it.

I don’t know, and, for my own safety, I’m not sure that I really want to know.

A new rage is sweeping the Sunshine State these days: apparently, Floridians have decided that their native creatures have worn out their welcome. Case in point number one: Alyssa L. Pack was visiting the Twin Hills Park in Crestview, Fla., when she came upon three geese standing near a body of water. Pack approached the edge of the water, drew the geese to the dry land, and – kicked one of the geese square in the face.

How do we know that all of this happened? Pack was having someone take a video of her while she committed animal cruelty, and the video was loaded onto Facebook. Durp-a-durp-durp.

I wonder if Pack would copy the IRS in on an email to her accountant asking how she could cheat on her taxes as well… The cops, thankful for a no-brainer, arrested Pack two days after the video was posted. Case two: Karen Lindgren in Tarpon Springs stalked a duck and attempted to give it candy before killing the foul creature.

Step back and explain. OK, Lindgren noticed a neighborhood duck – apparently, the neighborhood she lives in has a group of ducks that are more-or-less wild pets – and tried to lure the duck toward her with candy. The duck wasn’t interested in what Lindgren had to offer, but she got her revenge by running the duck down in the driveway of one of her neighbors, Natalie Paraskevopoulos. (If you say “paraskevopoulos” three times in front of the mirror, it summons the devil.)

Paraskevopoulos exited her home to find the dead duck on her driveway and tire marks on her front yard. In the police report filed after Lindgren’s arrest, it indicated that the woman may have mental health issues. …you don’t say.

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