Foiled and Soiled

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Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

By Nick Nunn, Columnist

When life gets really bad, you can always resort to a life of crime. When your crimes get really bad, you can always resort to some time in prison. Being that it is the week after Christmas, I’ll leave you all a few last-minute, stocking-stuffer-sized, bad crime stories to mull over with your mulled wine.

Or hot cocoa. A man in Norfolk, Va., walked into a McDonalds. Did he want a burger? No. He had a gun. Did he want the money? No. What else, then? He wanted a job application.

The quick-witted manager located a paper application for the armed future employee and had another worker call the cops on the man. The applicant, staying true to his character, was still filling out the forms when the police arrived.

Jump to Arlington, Tx., where a man wearing an “I (heart) Texas” shirt robbed more than $5,000 from a bank before running home with his new loot. And, wouldn’t you know it, neighbors reported that two large men entered the robber’s apartment a few minutes later and exited with a big sack of cash. Yes. The robber was robbed.

Now, he has no money, but he’s still facing charges for the bank robbery.

In Redding, Calif., – jeez, we’re getting around the country – a man realized that he had a court date that day to deal with a vehicle theft charge against him, but there was one problem: he had no car.

So, what does the man do? He jumps in a truck that someone is working on in their own driveway and speeds away. Suffice it to say, that wasn’t the best solution.

And back to the east coast; a woman in Rehoboth Beach, Del., walked in to a Five Guys restaurant to apply for a job at the fast-food eatery. Figuring that she was owed a little something for exerting the extra effort – I mean, she had to leave her house to actually apply in person! – the woman took it upon herself to rip off a total of $15 from two tip jars.

Yes, that’s the way to make your potential future coworkers like you: steal from their meager wages. In case you couldn’t guess, she didn’t get the job.

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