Nunnsense: Go Fetch

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Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

Nick Nunn, Nunnsense

By Nick Nunn, Columnist

Riddle! Who do the police allow to sniff a little cocaine every now and then? Detection dogs.

Yeah, that might have been an easy one, but it’s still true as far as I know.

How else would you expect a sniffer dog to be able to recognize actual drugs if you weren’t able to give them a little taste – or snort – of the genuine article? You can’t.

Like Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell can tell you: ain’t nothing like the real thing.

Bearing that in mind, Traci England, a former medical examiner from Town of Newbold, Wis., decided to offer a little real-world experience to her own dog.

Her dog won’t have a narcotic fix, however, but something far more sinister to deal with: a lust for human flesh.

England had high hopes for her dog’s future career as a cadaver dog when she slipped a piece of a spinal column, which had been removed from some gentleman during his autopsy, into her pocket to take home for her pup’s tutelage. (Doggie bag, anyone?)

At any rate, England apparently thought so little of the theft that she informed her coworkers about the planned use of the spinal remains.

Can you imagine telling your coworkers that you stole a piece of a dead person so you could show it to your dog? I mean, I can, but I work in a strange place…

More than two years after the initial infraction, England was brought up on charges and pled guilty on two felony counts of misconduct in public office.

Is there no statute of limitations on limb theft? I would hope that the incomplete cadaver is in the ground by now!

If the family didn’t notice missing anything at the funeral, I doubt that the dearly departed will notice in the great beyond. I mean, what’s one less vertebra to the worms?

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