Best of the Best: Tie One On

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Cathy Best

Cathy Best

By Cathy Best

Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck. She said as much in her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman.” I get it. You don’t have to be surrounded by all the beautiful people, as Ephron was, to feel bad about your neck. Before her passing in 2012 she had accomplished nine careers.

Ephron donned filmmaker, director, producer, screenwriter, novelist, playwright, journalist, author, and blogger hats. And still- she felt bad about her neck. She went so far as to recommend hiding one’s neck by the age of forty- three. She didn’t mince words; “Our faces are lies and our necks are the truth.

You have to cut open a redwood tree to see how old it is, but you wouldn’t if it had a neck.” It’s a shame that when God worked out the gravity issue he didn’t think to reverse it from the ankles up. It would have saved a lot of bad feelings following the forty- third birthday. There’s something about tissue rolls puddling around your clavicle that’s upsetting. There are several ways around it; cosmetic surgery is one viable option.

Harper’s Bazaar reports: “Many top doctors have noticed that younger women are turning more and more to neck-lifts as a stand-alone procedure.” Cosmetic surgeon Sam Rizk observes: “In the past five years, I’ve seen a 50 percent increase in patients between 39 and 50 asking for neck work.

Some are having a platysmaplasty, a procedure in which the ropy, sagging muscles that can give an aged appearance are knitted back together (much like a corset nips in the waist) through a small incision under the chin.

Others are choosing the more traditional lift, which requires incisions around the ears, excising loose skin and sewing what remains into an elevated position.” OUCH, knitting and sewing? Do I even need to mention cost? If you are so inclined, depending on the procedure, it will set you back anywhere from $5,000- $15,000. Prices reflect knitting or sewing. Again, OUCH. You may want to embrace option two, as I have.

A pretty scarf does the trick; Nora Ephron made the same choice. Scarves are no longer just for the tissue-neck challenged. From middle school girls to women of all ages, wearing scarves is a fashion statement. Whew… lucky for the over forty-three crowd our secret neck is safe; fashion bought the neck- conscious group a few more years of anonymity.

I’m intentionally leaving turtlenecks out of the options. Scarves look and sound better than a turtleneck. Think about it. What does a turtle’s neck look like? I don’t see much advantage. Not only will a scarf make you feel better about your neck you’ll feel good about stimulating the local economy.

Below you’ll find a list of local retailers who carry a wide selection of scarves in an equally wide range of price points. Go ahead, follow the YouTube video listed below, and tie one on.

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