Love plane express…

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Nick Nunn, columnist

All right children, avert your eyes this week. We’re going to be taking about a serious, adult matter this week: gaining entry into the mile high-club. Don’t know what that is? Good. You can keep reading, then.

First of all, let’s talk – in vague terms, of course – about the “normal” way that people gain entry into this club.

I’ve been on a plane before. In fact, I’ve been on several airplanes, and, no matter what, I always feel a little constricted. There’s barely enough room to breath on those things – at least way back where I ride in coach – much less to get up and walk around.

With the exception of trans-continental, nonstop flights I try to keep the same policy for going to see a movie in the theaters: once it starts, I don’t get up for anything, so I know I better use the restroom ahead of time.

In admitting that, I concede that I’ve rarely found my way into the restrooms on commercial airplanes, so they might be a bit larger than I’m imagining, but I doubt it.

And here is where we return to my original point with this tangent: as tiny as airplanes are and as small as the bathrooms must be, where exactly does one commit the act required for admission into the mile-high club without arousing the suspicion of at least one other passenger or flight attendant?

If someone can fill me in on that one, I’d greatly appreciate it.

(Just for clarification. Not for instructive purposes, of course.)

Sensing my confusion – and doubtless the confusion of other people – a clever Las Vegas entrepreneur has created the perfect business for facilitating the ease of entry into the mile-high club in comfortable, accommodating circumstances.

Love Cloud, the name of the enterprise, will offer 40-minute flights over Vegas in a private Cessna 421, which has had its six seats removed in favor of plush carpeting and throw pillows, at the low cost of $799 for a couple.

(The website notes that only two can be accommodated at a time, but I’m anticipating an eventual expansion of their capabilities on that front.)

The owner, Andy Johnson, told the Las Vegas Weekly that he wants the experience to be “romantic,” assuring potential clients that pilots will be required to wear noise-canceling headphones and that Love Cloud has a contract with a cleaning service that will clean the plane thoroughly after every trip. Anticipating a joke that I had hoped to be able to make on my own, Johnson mentioned that he’s already had requests for shorter flights, indicating that some interested parties don’t know what they would do with the full two-thirds of an hour.

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