Pic-a-nic baskets

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I remember a commercial that ran frequently not too long ago, and the premise of the commercial was basically this: don’t believe everything you see on the internet. My first response to this ad (the purpose of which I cannot remember) was “Duh!” I mean, who really needs to be told that you can’t believe everything you find on the internet, read in books, or see on television? Nobody, right? (Although I’m always surprised by these people who believe in ghosts just because some idiots on the discovery channel come up with “evidence” for the existence of supernatural creatures each episode. I mean, it must really blow their mind when they watch Ghostbusters and get to actually see the specters for themselves!) Hopefully, the people of the world have their heads screwed on a little straighter than that. For years, children have been watching MGM and Warner Bros. cartoons from the 1950s and 1960s that showed excessive violence – who else besides me still believes that bombs are black and spherical with a fuse coming out of the top? – without thinking that they could drop a piano on their siblings’ head without significant consequences.

We should know that we can’t ride a rocket in order to catch up with the roadrunner or spin the barrel of a weapon around so that the bullet flies toward the assailant instead of the victim. However, it appears that one loved cartoon, Yogi Bear, has a copycat (or copy-bear) bringing his style. At the campus of Alaska Pacific University in Anchorage, a mother bear and two cubs have taken advantage of a children’s day camp run by Camp Fire USA in order to enjoy an outdoor smorgasbord. They’ve been eating the children. …no, not really. Actually, the bears peacefully snatched up a few lunchboxes to take back into the woods, leaving the children, who I would imagine would be a more satisfying snack, behind.

Would you really prefer to eat a plastic lunch box and a Lunchable if you were starving? I don’t think so. The Alaska Fish and Game Department doesn’t consider the bears enough of a threat to do, well… anything, but the kids will have to begin eating their lunches indoors. Call me an alarmist, but I find this to be a slippery slope. If we let the bears have the outdoors today, then tomorrow we’ll let the coyotes in the cities to roam free. And then what? If it were up to me, I’d make those furry Anchorage invaders deader than the average bear.

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