I’ll just come out and say it up front: I AM NOT A CLOTHES HORSE. For those who may not be familiar with that particular term the Urban Dictionary defines a clothes horse as one who is passionate about new and fashionable clothes and consequently spends a lot of money on them. I don’t really have to do this because I can make anything look good. Unfortunately my wife is in total disagreement with that statement and I know this because each morning I have to undergo inspection before I’m released into society for the day. For example if I’m going to town sweatshirts with stains on them are taboo – even if I’m going to be taking out the trash or loading some gravel on the truck along the way. If I’m heading for a social outing I can’t even wear sweatshirts that have no stains. She hates my sweatshirts. If I’m going to church the pre-exit scrutiny is even more detailed and usually requires me to endure a complete do-over in order to correct poor color coordination, improper fit (baggy pants) or just plain old dirt masquerading as microscopic dust particles. As for the baggy pants thing it should be said that it’s hard to fill out a pair of khakis when your behind is about the size of a couple of extra-large chicken eggs. I won’t bore you with further examples, I’m sure you get the picture. Honestly I’ve tried to keep up with fashion over the years. In the 1970’s and 80’s my coaching attire was in line with trends of the day. We wore over-the-calf white socks, tee shirts and coaching shorts – to school – every day. Those shorts were always pulled up tight and if I’m completely honest, were a bit cheeky if you catch my drift. Nonetheless I strived to wear those smart designs of the times. As for social attire in the 70’s and 80’s I had paisley shirts, matching bell-bottomed pants and platform shoes. Those shoes made me look taller and were slick enough to slide and spin gracefully across the dance floor. I was a sight to behold – and right in tune with the fads of the day. Unfortunately that no longer seems to be the case. Women seem to have it much easier in this department. They can wear just about anything they want on any occasion and the guys will always compliment them. I know of not a single male who tells his wife to change clothes before church or what to wear whether it be to a social or casual gathering. Now I will say this. The younger generation of females wear clothes that seems to be a bit outlandish. Some of the fashions they sport around town display stuff I haven’t seen the likes of since I was weaned but I guess it’s just in vogue. But to be perfectly frank I should say that perhaps my wife is right. I keep getting unsolicited donations from friends in the form of shirts, pants and ties. Strangely enough I never get sweatshirts so maybe it’s a subtle hint that I need to do better. On the other hand I have a humongous closet full of clothes that date back all the way to high school. That ought to have nearly every fashion situation covered but such does not seem to be the case. I actually took an inventory of my closet recently and to tell you the truth the scorecard looked pretty respectable. I had eight sport coats, one fancy suit (for church, funerals, and weddings), 17 pairs of dress pants, 21 dress shirts (of all colors and sizes), 10 pair of different colored socks, 21 coats (for cool and cold weather), 68 casual shirts, 73 sweat shirts with MCHS insignias on them, 27 pairs of shorts, and a partridge in a pear tree. You know what I’m getting at here. I’m pretty well stocked up. When I proudly reported on the state of my clothes inventory to Laura she just laughed and made a strange statement. She said, “If we don’t go shopping soon you are going to look like you just walked out of a homeless shelter”. That bad huh? This past week another example cropped up. Coach Cisson and I blundered into two tickets to the UGA basketball game and it just so happened that they were right on the floor. I mean we put our feet directly on the hardwood and could take shots at the refs on a very personal level. We would also get a few cameo appearances on the TV. I called Laura to tell her our good fortune and she said, “What do you have on?” I was scared to tell her it was a sweatshirt. I suppose the inevitable shopping trip is just around the corner. Wal-Mart, here I come.